Healing

All I can say is that stress and anxiety really do suck.

I have felt a lot of stress and anxiety in the past 2 years Id say. I remember when it started. I scared me because I didn't know what was happening or why, or how to stop it. It just hurt. Hurt my head, hurt my body...I was physically feeling stress (as the doctors told me everything else looked fine and healthy).
I feel like the past two years have been hard - trying to learn how to deal with this daily.

School does not help the stress at all, but I know I feel it even on a nice summers day, walking in the hot sun, enjoy my time... I FEEL it. It is annoying.  I have noticed however, proving my doctors prediction some-what correct,  that since moving to Saskatchewan things have felt more manageable.  A big part of the stress I felt in Calgary was school also, but a lot was just feeling busy all the time. The hustle and bustle going on around me.  Things to do, places to be, people to see... all which took so much time. So now here in Saskatoon, as much as I want to see people we know more here, it isn't as much a stresser for me. School seems to be the big one.

Anyways, the point of this is getting drawn out. I have prayed daily, and multiple times on days for the Lord to just give me peace and comfort and to help with the pain I feel.  I have even prayed directly to the pain and commanded it to leave as we are told to do. The Lord is faithful and has helped me significantly I know, but I still feel it. This weekend Coy and I are headed to a Retreat weekend put on by a ministry called Ellel Ministries. We heard of it through Coy's extended family and after hearing testimonies from couples we know personally, we decided to apply to go.  It is run mainly by volunteers who are trained and want to see healing and change happen in the Lords Kingdom.  The people there trained for ministry really just feed into your lives spiritually for 2 days.  They pray with you, minister over you, and will help us in a weekend journey to know Christ more.  This is a statement explaining their ministry from their site:

Jesus encouraged the disciples to pray, "Your Kingdom come... on earth, as it is in Heaven" and we believe He is still encouraging us to pray in the same way. God rejoices when His Kingdom authority is established in our lives and we learn to live in the presence and power of His Holy Spirit. In this way we become disciples and are able to enter into the destiny He has prepared for us. We long to see the Christian community rise up in strength of God to do the works of the Kingdom as they are healed and delivered. 


 Coy and I are going into this weekend with expectant hearts. I would be lying if I said I wasn't trusting the Lord for some healing it regards to my stress, but I know that more than just the pain, there may be deeper issues somewhere in my life that add to those feelings of anxiety or stress, especially in situations where it seems CRAZY to feel stressed :) The Lord has a lot of work to do in me beyond anxiety too, and I am excited to see what I get to work through with Christ this weekend.


The Lord is good and I know that no matter what happens this weekend, I want to live a more expectant life and a life full of Gods grace, love and trust.

Relationship

I am sitting here on my computer TRYING so desperately to get this 8 page paper done before Sunday, and all I want to do is stop.  I've already watched an episode of 'What Not to Wear,' and baked banana bread in this painful process.  Not a new feeling for any student, or anyone writing a paper for that matter I don't think.  School is tiring and takes so much energy.

What a great reminder it is for me though.  All I want to do right now is SEE people and HANG out. Maybe read a good book, read the Word... spend time with God. Anything but THIS. It reminds me that when I am out of school I still need priorities. I need to actually see people, spend time with friends, read the Word and challenge myself.  It is so easy to just be at home, hangout with Coy, watch TV or just complain. I need to do what I long to do right now, everyday that I can.

I mean, even while in school I try to take the odd time to read before bed, and see friends once a week or so, go to church, do a devotional with Coy and read the Word. But not nearly as much as I need. We need the Lord and to spend quality time with Him. We need relationships with others (other than our spouses sometimes too, for the married ones :)) for encouragement, accountability, sharing, and to share genuine love and care toward each other as Christians.  We need to exercise, stay health, sleep, read, eat, pray, have fun.

I look forward to those days in between school work that I can do those things, but most of all I want to make this all a priority at Christmas, summer time, and breaks I get in school and NOW. I need and want close friendships, healthy relationships, and more than that a closer relationship with Christ.

*sigh* What else will get me through these dreadful days of paper writing and Math.....

Cows - Yes, Cows.

Well, here I am. Starting a blog. 

Once upon a time I blogged twice I think... it was for a school project. I didn't like it. I kept deleting words because they didn't sound 'good' enough, or they weren't 'intellectual' enough for what I was trying to say. But now I say - Meh! Whatever.

I still am wondering why I am doing this, and all I have to think about is last night. As I lay awake almost an hour past when I tried to go sleep, all I could think about was  cows. Yes - that's right, I said COWS. Weird right? Well kind of... considering my life this far. I just thought to myself, "Man, some of my friends would shake their heads at me right now, and some would just laugh and smile." Laura-Lie thinking about cows. Who would have thought!? Not me...

So, I have taken it upon myself to maybe start writing a bit about my life, or my new homestead.  Some days I still find it crazy to think about where my life is and where it is heading. I never would have thought, a born and raised Calgary City-girl, would marry a rancher and be looking at a Ranch as our dwelling place one day.  God sure works in mysterious ways, and I LOVE it. Coy is the absolute best and the ranch is such a beautiful place.  It still can be scarey to think of life one day on the ranch, and yet God has given me a lot of peace and comfort in His love and in the love of our families.  His plans are perfect for us and I am trying everyday to embrace those new places and new things that come before me.  My friends still would laugh at me though, even after a year and a bit of marriage, if I told them my mind was racing last night because of COWS. Haha. 

Maybe I could put it into perspective though. Coy, Reg, and Shannon were gathering cows and calves yesterday to get ready for their calf sale today. So I was praying for their day today as they sell calves. This is the first time in 3 years I haven't been there. Maybe not a big deal, but it is always fun sitting there waiting for their cows to come out and for the bidding to begin (Coy and Reg would use any word but fun I am sure). I also like being in small towns and seeing what their small stores have to offer when we get a little break.  Anyways, so because I am not there all I could think about was them all. Done.

So hopefully along this journey I won't just share ranch experiences (but we have a lot of them) but also insights from life in Saskatoon and the transition Coy and I are in.  Hopefully my friends out there can get the odd laugh at my posts (maybe even my spelling mistakes and grammar) - but I also hope to post encouragement and love for others to read and share.

Hope you have a good day!