For the Sake of the World

I don’t know what I was thinking when I thought Id write more once I moved to Beechy…once I had our baby… like I would have all the time in the world to do so. Ha! Not so much. But, here is another entry. Long needed and I have so much more I always want to blog about and yet I don’t make the time. Maybe this will be the shifting point?

“For the sake of the world burn like a fire in me, light a flame in my soul for every eye to see”

Tonight as I sit here winding down for the evening, the Lord is speaking to me again. This time through the new Bethel CD, specifically ‘For the Sake of the World.’ I have felt like God has been trying to speak to me lately lots through worship. If I am being totally frank and honest, I have felt a bit disconnected from God since Ella’s been born.  Let me explain though. I have spent time with God: thanking Him, asking him to really show his presence in our lives, asking for his leading in my marriage, my life as a mother now and also as a member of a new community and church family. As a family we send time praying together and reading the word, sometimes – not as much as we need to be. Yet I have felt like something is missing spiritually.  Things change a LOT with a child and just after her turning 4 months old a month and bit ago, do I feel I am more ‘normal’ again. Yet things are different –days & nights, sleep, traveling, shopping, cleaning, church, worship…

       Spiritually I have yet to get to that new ‘normal’ for myself and God – if that makes any sense. 

This song really laid it out for me. “For the sake of THE WORLD burn like a fire in me.” Not for MY sake. Not so that I can feel better…so that I can feel holy, spiritual… it is about the Lord’s kingdom. Maybe it is just me, but I have felt since Ella that my sole purpose most days has been Ella. I mean SOLE purpose. I have felt that all my energy, all my love, all my kisses and cuddles have been for her. Not my husband. Not my God. Where are my priorities? Ella.  I know my family and children are right up there and need to be priorities, but God CANNOT be on the back burner. Though I spend time talking with Him, thanking Him, I have not sat quietly to listen. I have not yearned to learn from Him. From the Word. I have not given my love, my “kisses & cuddles” so to say, or energy to seeking the Lord.

I am starting to really yearn again for that closeness. To yearn for direction. To yearn for God to call me (and our family) where He needs me and wants to use me/us. I am a Mother. I am a Wife. I am a Child of God. I want to be more – for the sake of the world! I am ready to be used to advance His kingdom and do His works that need to be done on this Earth.  I need to be moved beyond my currents settings, feelings and callings some days. This may not be “the time” for that but I know that ministry somewhere is my heart. My ministry at home to my family is first and foremost and I need to work on that most days too, yet I look back at the days where God was using me in the context of youth ministry, in childrens ministry, camp and I yearn to touch lives and be apart of GOD’S work in them again.

The funny thing about writing this is that I sit here and yearn for that and yet know that in my strength and power I cannot do this. MY agenda for life is already packed more than I can handle. For example I have been trying to get going a course for school for over a month now and am very behind on it. Most days I feel defeated by it before I even start to work on it – today was one of those days. Yet I know that energy and focus will come when I put my priorities straight and start to seek God. Start to spend time asking Him to show me his heart daily…to WAIT on Him – with Him - and receive His peace and comfort. God is good all the time! I know this.  His timing is perfect and His peace is far beyond my comprehension, it goes beyond my understanding. Thank you Lord that it does! Ipray that He gives me peace during these next few months and that as I move further in my relationship with Him my friends, family and those around me will sense His love, His power and strength  - for the sake of the world. For the sake of His kingdom.

The Waiting Game

So our patience is definitely being tested this past week or so with everything going on.  As I shared we are moving to the ranch before baby, and at this point we are FOR SURE it will before baby.  We are coming to an end in our place here in Saskatoon and long behold the trailer isn't there/ready. Now we both realize there is nothing we can do about it but pray and wait so that is what we have been doing.  We did hear it was delayed a few weeks a bit ago, so we hope our next phone conversation with the builders is positive and with a definitive date of arrival.

Since we have gotten that news of delay, we have been planning our lives around needing to move out, branding (Coy being gone and needed at the ranch) and baby possibly coming soon after.  I have been clinging to 1 Peter 5:7 - "Cast all your anxiety on Him for he cares for you" and God has been giving me peace through the days! It can be stressful at times and I know I especially have to just take a moment to regain my thoughts, read the word and relax - all for the sake of our baby and our health.

We are SO blessed to have some wonderful friends who own a place here in the city who are allowing us to use it while we need it until baby arrives.  I am not sure what life would look like without them being so generous but I bet it would include my in-laws basement for a few weeks.  So...in the midst of the busy times ahead, looks like we are moving out this weekend since Coy needs to be at the ranch all next week to prepare for branding the following weekend.  I will stay in Saskatoon for the most part - that drive just isn't as comfortable as before .... at all!  Packing is also going slower than expected and naps keep creeping in there when I should be packing even one box :) Packing will come with time and help I suppose...

Anyways, that is an update on our lives.  If you are reading this, please pray for a divine intervention in our trailer being ready and prepared before baby.  I know God's timing IS perfect and we will get it setup whether before or after baby, but I would really LOVE to have at least a few things ready for when we come home with our new addition.

In the meantime, here are a couple more pictures of where the trailer will be.  The dirt that was dug out was moved, and now a pile of gravel sits there ready to be put down and packed - last thing before the trailer can be set down! SO excited for our place to be at the ranch and yet it is crazy to me that time has come so fast!

These pictures do look very similar to the last ones but I assure you the site is more prepared!

The Time Has Come

My New Homestead - City to Ranch. No longer, City to City to Ranch. Our time in Saskatoon is nearing the end as Coy and I officially make the move to the ranch in less than 2 months (hopefully).  We knew this time would come and despite many things along the way that have changed OUR timeline, we are very excited for the move back.  Coy would have moved home before he ever moved away to be honest, but this time in Saskatoon has been a nice transition for me!  I will miss the friends we have here in Stoon and our church/church family, and yet we are very excited for what the Lord has in store for us in Beechy.  For our family life, our new church and how God will use us in our new location in and out of the church. The Lord has been preparing us for a time such as this.

Thank the Lord for His guidance and His plans.  They are greater than what we know and what we could ever have planned for our life this far.  We are relying fully on Him as we move forward not only with a move home but also with expanding our family in June. All of this change at once can feel very overwhelming for us, and as days go by we realize our need more and more for Jesus in our lives.  Patience, peace and endurance as we prepare a home site while living away, pack our boxes in the midst of full time work and tired minds and bodies at the end of the day and still trying to set aside time to prepare our selves for parenthood and what this will look like after baby is born.  All very exciting things, yet it all takes time. We trust the Lord in all things knowing He WILL keep us under His wings as we seek Him and put Him first in all we do.

Here is a sneek peek at where our house trailer will be set up. First the site itself, then the views that we will have from some of our windows. I can't wait for summer time there and visitors in our own home finally!!!  Our home should make it to the ranch mid-May to end of May and hopefully no later. With brandings around that time and me being 8 months pregnant come mid-May, the trailer cannot come soon enough! I have started packing our place in Saskatoon here and things are starting to progress for the site at the ranch, so now we are just praying for a quick and safe delivery of our home ASAP.

 

This is where our trailer will be setup. Facing South with plenty of sunlight!

(plus blooming green trees and green grass soon!)

Our view looking South.

Our view out of our office window, looking West.

Another Year??!?!?!

2 years turned to 4?!

This was my initial reaction to the news that I wasn't accepted into the College of Education for this September (next to crying). We came to Saskatoon thinking we would be here 2 years for me to finish my schooling, and now a year later, we are post-poned yet another year before I even get IN to school to finish. As much as it was a shock for me, it kind of wasn't. I had been emailing with an Advisor during the Application process and long story short she had informed me that this year didn't look that great for me.  Now the whole story really is another story in and of itself, but the big picture and truth is that the Lord is stretching myself and Coy through this.

I am looking forward to a year of working here in Saskatoon, but there are thoughts and ideas for our life that I struggle with. School still at 28 years old?! Finishing at 30 years old?! Kids at 30?! Renting a house STILL?!

The Lord has been showing me through this experience that we are not ready. Mine and Coy's plans were not necessarily wrong to make or think, but they were not God's plans. HIS plans are so much greater. I have been learning to trust God more and lean on His understanding not my own.  All my worldly goals and ideas about my life are exactly that - a worldly mindset.  God is showing me that He is above the world and my thinking should be eternal. Not worrying about the future (Mt 6:34) but to live each day as its own and fully present.  The Lord KNOWS why I am not teaching yet and He knows when is best for us to start a family (even if it does start at 30 years old...35...40..)  I know the blessings won't be lost and this year will have blessings in itself.  This all has given Coy and I an opportunity to step back and remember who God is to us.  He isn't a God who just answers our prayers and listens to us, He a loving, tender, kind God who knows the best plan for our lives. He wants to lead us, guide us and use us where we are at. I am sure that this year is a year where God is calling us to surrender our lives fully to Him and His plans.... where we should have been all along.

We are praying for the Lord to show us where we need to be in terms of ministry together this year (and in the future), praying for more growth in our relationship with Him and with each other, and more opportunities to have fellowship and relationships with people in Saskatoon that we haven't had yet.  The Lord is good and His mercies are new each day!

Focus... What?

Wow it has been a long time since I have written anything on here.
School has got me super busy, along with our niece being born, it felt I didn't have time to sit and write.  But here is the reality of that thought... I have LOTS of time!
So, I have been thinking of lots of things that I'd like to share on here and get feedback and thoughts on about, but this one stands out for me. It stands out for me right now, because I am suppose to be writing a paper right now, and instead I am not. It is so hard to focus now a days on a certain thing, especially if it has to do with a computer in front of you!
I am finding that more and more I am getting stuck some days in that 'ADD' type of mode in my life, where I cannot focus for 5 minutes without a change of scenery or a 'break.'  I bet Facebook is the best example for many of us as far as 'taking a break.'  IT seriously bugs me that I have to be on a computer for school ALL the time.. because the reality is that Facebook, blogs, and window shopping online is WAY more interesting than school work.  So even a minute ago I came to my browser to look up a definition, and realized how crazy the web pages are these days.  I could barely find the definition!  There were so many advertisements and pictures all around that it took FOCUS to find what I was looking for. That is crazy. And yet I think it speaks a reality to me about how our culture functions now a days.  No wonder kids are being labeled more and more with ADHD.... our culture is making them that!

Anyways, I don't think I've explained this as well as I'd like, but I just don't want to be a part of this culture in that way.  I have thought about getting rid of internet in our house before and limiting my time to it, but it doesn't seem completely viable with school and all. I want to have FOCUS on the things that are important in my life. I want to read the Word for more than 10 minutes without thinking about something else I could do... or do a paper without opening a browser and getting distracted. I think a lot of that is personal practice and choice to not give in.  Bring on the challenge...

(P.S - not re-reading or editing this so it may not make sense in some parts! ha)

A Year Committed to the LORD

While away for the holidays to the ranch and Calgary for a couple weeks, I had lots of time to relax, think and spend time with my family and friends.  It was wonderful.  The ranch was a nice time for me to relax and at some points have nothing to do - was a weird concept to me and I even found myself complaining at ONE point.  Coy made sure to point it out to me and I am grateful he did. So odd how I can go 4 months wishing so bad that I had NOTHING to do or think about.. it had arrived and I felt I should be doing something.  I had to embrace it, and I did. Calgary was a different story with lots of people to see and lots I wanted to do.  It was nice after the time at the ranch.

Now I am back in Saskatoon and back in the grind. As I was looking through some pictures tonight I was reminded of a weekend Coy and I went to with Ellel Ministries.  Here are a couple of pictures I took on a walk in the country called: The Way of The Cross.  There were 18 crosses hung along the way... each with a piece of scripture and meditation.  

That weekend my life changed.  I learned a new way of communicating with God and a new way of living my life.  I am reminded when I read the Word and when stress or worry gets back in my head, that the Lord is the only way.  That weekend the Lord changed things in my life and I want to continue to live in those new ways.  He is the only way I know how to live and I need His Word to feed my soul and keep me going day by day.  This year I want to commit myself to living life better.  Loving the Lord more by my actions, with my words and through my thoughts.  I will not have unbelief.

Here is a Lordship Prayer that Coy and I received that weekend.  Our mentor/counsellor we had, Alex, gave this to us.  Encouraged us to memorize it and say it each morning to remind us of who God is. I hope to encourage you all who read this. Claim this for your life and know that God is in control ultimately but we have the choose it too.

Lordship Prayer
LORD Jesus I acknowledge my need of you and accept you as my Savior, my Redeemer, my Deliverer and my LORD.
I invite you now to be the LORD that is the authority, over the whole of my life.

LORD of my human spirit and all my spiritual awareness and worship.

LORD of my mind, my attitudes, my thinking, my beliefs, and my imagination.
LORD of my emotions and my expression of my feelings.
LORD of my will and all my decisions.

LORD of my body, my physical health, my exercise, my diet, my rest and my appearance.
LORD of my sexuality and its expression.
LORD of the manner and timing of my death.

LORD of my family and all my relationships.
LORD of my secular work and my Christian service.

LORD of my material goods and my perceived needs.
LORD of my finances.

LORD of my plans, my ambitions and my future.

Thank you that Your blood was shed that I might be free from the consequences of sin and that my name is written in the Lamb's book of life.

Amen.

Healing

All I can say is that stress and anxiety really do suck.

I have felt a lot of stress and anxiety in the past 2 years Id say. I remember when it started. I scared me because I didn't know what was happening or why, or how to stop it. It just hurt. Hurt my head, hurt my body...I was physically feeling stress (as the doctors told me everything else looked fine and healthy).
I feel like the past two years have been hard - trying to learn how to deal with this daily.

School does not help the stress at all, but I know I feel it even on a nice summers day, walking in the hot sun, enjoy my time... I FEEL it. It is annoying.  I have noticed however, proving my doctors prediction some-what correct,  that since moving to Saskatchewan things have felt more manageable.  A big part of the stress I felt in Calgary was school also, but a lot was just feeling busy all the time. The hustle and bustle going on around me.  Things to do, places to be, people to see... all which took so much time. So now here in Saskatoon, as much as I want to see people we know more here, it isn't as much a stresser for me. School seems to be the big one.

Anyways, the point of this is getting drawn out. I have prayed daily, and multiple times on days for the Lord to just give me peace and comfort and to help with the pain I feel.  I have even prayed directly to the pain and commanded it to leave as we are told to do. The Lord is faithful and has helped me significantly I know, but I still feel it. This weekend Coy and I are headed to a Retreat weekend put on by a ministry called Ellel Ministries. We heard of it through Coy's extended family and after hearing testimonies from couples we know personally, we decided to apply to go.  It is run mainly by volunteers who are trained and want to see healing and change happen in the Lords Kingdom.  The people there trained for ministry really just feed into your lives spiritually for 2 days.  They pray with you, minister over you, and will help us in a weekend journey to know Christ more.  This is a statement explaining their ministry from their site:

Jesus encouraged the disciples to pray, "Your Kingdom come... on earth, as it is in Heaven" and we believe He is still encouraging us to pray in the same way. God rejoices when His Kingdom authority is established in our lives and we learn to live in the presence and power of His Holy Spirit. In this way we become disciples and are able to enter into the destiny He has prepared for us. We long to see the Christian community rise up in strength of God to do the works of the Kingdom as they are healed and delivered. 


 Coy and I are going into this weekend with expectant hearts. I would be lying if I said I wasn't trusting the Lord for some healing it regards to my stress, but I know that more than just the pain, there may be deeper issues somewhere in my life that add to those feelings of anxiety or stress, especially in situations where it seems CRAZY to feel stressed :) The Lord has a lot of work to do in me beyond anxiety too, and I am excited to see what I get to work through with Christ this weekend.


The Lord is good and I know that no matter what happens this weekend, I want to live a more expectant life and a life full of Gods grace, love and trust.